This Is An Actual Film That Somebody Actually Made

The things you find on a random search when you’re about to watch the RDJ Sherlock Holmes film…

Sherlock Holmes! Vs dinosaurs! And Gareth David-Lloyd plays Watson.

Well obviously I had to watch it, & tweeted my commentary as I watched. Far too lazy to do a proper post, so instead I’m just gonna c&p my tweets into a post. It’s not comprehensive as I didn’t bother mentioning everything, but it’s a summary of the main lulz.

OK so I’m gonna give that bonkers-looking ‘Sherlock Holmes Fights Monsters With Ianto’ thing a watch now.

Arrgh! They’re trying to represent a boat being attacked by shaking the camera around on a clearly perfectly steady boat!

I can put up with all sorts of wooden acting & clunky dialogue, but dodgy camerawork does my head in. #exfilmstudent

1st actual scene with Holmes & Watson & they’re hamming it right up. Not even trying to take this stuff seriously. I like.

I don’t think the look on Watson’s face while Holmes is making him look stupid is acting. 'Oh god why am I in this film?’

LOL the ’T-rex’ is about 6 feet tall.

And suddenly! random comedy Irish person with squeaky voice runs past. I think a monster stole his Lucky Charms.

Why do we have to stake out this place? Oh the monster is stealing copper wire. But of course!

Fortunately Holmes is impervious to T-rex bites.

“What’s the purpose?” “Well, he needed money to buy the dinosaur, & the dinosaur to steal waterworks." #wellobviously <-- [In case you’re wondering, yes that is a direct quote.]

Weirdly the CGI isn’t that bad. It looks a little off in how it fits into the scenery, but is not awful in itself.

I spoke too soon. Suddenly a bunch of huge explosions go off for no apparent reason resulting in bad CGI fireballs.

Nothing even seemed to cause the explosions. The director just went a bit Michael Bay or something.

OK they’re in a castle cos Holmes recognised a stone found in a corpse & this castle is the ONLY place in the country where it can be from.

It turns out he conveniently grew up near this place & spent his childhood researching EVERY individual stone.

In the castle they find… an Iron Man suit. Because why rip off just one RDJ film franchise?

It’s obviously not an exact replica or anything, but same sort of thing.

Oh look the random woman that Watson encountered & went googly-eyed over earlier in the film is back. Surprise.

Oh & turns out it’s Holmes’ brother inside the suit. This isn’t a spoiler considering the near constant references to him.

'Yeah I have this brother & a bunch of bad shit happened to him which I’m going to make random cryptic references to.’

Sherlock Holmes’ brother is in his Iron Man suit on his way to attack London in a flying metal dragon with glowing eyes.

I just can’t with this film.

LOL well that was all rather random. And very very bad. I expected it to be terrible & it surpassed all my expectations.

And no they never explained why the monsters or what purpose they served or where they came from or ANYTHING.